Adventure Fuelings: September 2014

Passion....it is something that all of us have plenty of. But sometimes it gets buried under the daily stresses. That is what happened to mine over the summer. Over the past couple of weeks though I have been spending a lot of time refreshing my soul, searching out God, relaxing(a very helpful tool), and trying to reacquaint myself with what my purpose/mission is and where my passions are.

I am just going to be pretty open and honest here(sorry if the thoughts don't all flow....they are just that.....my thoughts)....I had been feeling lonely, stressed, and emotionally drained. I was in survival mode for probably longer than I should have been. The sad part is, I didn't even recognize that fact that I was in that mode until I started climbing out of the hole I had gotten myself into! Anyway, loneliness is one of the big ways Satan has decided to attack me and it was really getting to me. Then I realized something, the time I was spending with God had shrunk to an embarrassing amount. No wonder! My love tank was continuing to drain and I was the one preventing it from being filled! I then pondered something else.....like most human beings, I need and desire love, I want that loving relationship, and I search for love, but at the exact same time, I can so easy put off and ignore the one who loves me beyond what I can even begin to comprehend!! The one who has shown me such immense love and has proved His faithfulness over and over again! What is wrong with me? Why do I think I know how to deal with things better then Him? Why is it so easy for me to surrender to Him and accept His love when things are going well....but then when things start getting hard, I start to build up the walls around my heart again and start to close my hands to the grace and love He offers. He knows exactly what is best for me!!!....yet I would rather have control over the reins, because that means that I can give myself some safety and protection.

Because of a lot of these thoughts running through my head, I recently wrote a song trying to put them all together. So here are some of the lyrics.....the song isn't done yet and I still want to write at least one more verse...but I will share with you what I have.

I took notice the other day
That I had begun the slide again
Back to the place of self-reliance
I start feeling like I got this, just trust me
Around my heart the walls start to rebuild
And the distance keeps growing between You and me

So show me my brokenness
Tear down my walls again
Cause, oh Lord, I'm nothing without You
Cause You give the beat of my heart
The night sky is lit up with Your stars
And, oh Lord, how I need to know You more!

I need to be reminded so often of who He is and who I am. One of my favorite ways God can speak this to me is through the night sky. It is INCREDIBLE!! When you look up, you start to realize just how little we are and how BIG God is! We are just a speck in part of the Milky Way galaxy......a speck in just ONE galaxy!!!!! Yet He loves us so incredibly much! It really puts a perspective on things for me. God is in charge....and I need to let Him have FULL control over my life and let Him write my story.

Now for some pictures:)

Gatlinburg, TN

Rachelle, Leah, & I