Insouciant Moments

My life is far from insouciant.....but amid all the craziness I am learning to find those moments, the ones to hang onto and allow myself to get lost in.....

October has pretty much flown by!  Speaking of flying......I am headed to Haiti on Friday!!!!!! Yah, words cannot even begin to express how excited I am!!  Everyday this week is crazy busy for me trying to get things done before I leave, working, etc.  Last night for supper I made my residents a Haitian meal!!:)  It was fun!  I made rice, beef, potato/beet/carrot salad, coleslaw, and fried plantains. Then for snack I made Haitian coconut cookies.....oh my...they were amazing! I always loved when Mona would make them!!:)  I kinda hope she makes them sometime when I am down there!

Other than Haiti....I don't feel like I have done anything super exciting or crazy....wait.....I did go skydiving a few weeks ago.  Not that that is exciting at all.....pretty dull.   Haha...jk....it was EPIC!  I would totally go again in a heartbeat! I would highly recommend it!  The view is absolutely incredible!!!

Here is a poem that was read during a talk recently.  I really liked it and feel like I can really relate to it.  Not only that, but a good reminder that whenever I start to think that what God wants me to do is crazy, or that we could take a better route.....that I just need to shut up and pedal!

A Tandem Ride With God 

I used to think of God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there, sort of like a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I didn't really know Him.

But later on, when I met Jesus, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Jesus was in the back helping me pedal. I didn't know just when it was He suggested we change, but life has not been the same since I took the back-seat to Jesus, my Lord. He makes life exciting. When I had control, I thought I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points. 

But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places and at break-through speeds; it was all I could do to hang on! Even though it often looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!" I was worried and anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer and I started to learn to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm scared", He'd lean back and touch my hand. 

He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey, our journey, my Lord's and mine. And we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found in giving I received, and still our burden was light. 

I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it, but He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear high rocks, fly to shorten scary passages. And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, Jesus. 

And when I'm sure I just can't do any more, He just smiles and says... "Pedal." 

(Author unknown)

I am doing a Bible study with several other houseparent ladies on the book One Thousand Gifts.  Some of you may have heard about it or read it.  But it talks a lot about giving thanks for all things and that everything is a gift from God.  So I started a gratitude journal, where I write down gifts/things I am thankful for.  Also, I started taking more pictures of some of those things.  So in case your wondering why I post certain pictures....or even took a picture of something....most likely it probably relates to that.  Well and the fact that I am just weird at times....but that's information you don't need to be reaffirmed on....so just go with the first reason.  :)

God's beauty!!

Sparklers that someone left in a drawer in my apartment......so I had a little fun one night:)

God's vibrant promise stretched across the sky

Lunar Eclipse.......yes, I actually got up at 6AM to see this!

Not a very good pic....but the moon had an incredible ring around it one night....not sure what causes it....but it was pretty awesome!!!

A Deeds of Kindness group from Gateway school made this for the Assistants!:)

An amazing date....at a really cool "hole-in-the-wall" place:)

So I found this Haitian cookbook at the Fort Wayne Library.....so what am I gonna do??

Obviously check it out and use it!:)  I made a Haitian meal for my residents yesterday and had them put together some care packages for me to take down.  Some foods were liked more than others, but everyone was a great sport and tried some of everything!

Diri & Bef

Potato, beet, carrot salad

Coleslaw

Fried Plaintains

Haitian coconut cookies!!!!!!!  I was stoked that I found this recipe!!!!

 Another awesome date!!!:)  We tried out Trionfale on Dupont.  (She might not be too happy about me posting this pic....but since she wouldn't smile for a normal picture......I guess she knows what happens now....:P)

My Carmel Macchiato :) It was delightful!!

Immeasurable Love

Passion....it is something that all of us have plenty of.  But sometimes it gets buried under the daily stresses. That is what happened to mine over the summer.  Over the past couple of weeks though I have been spending a lot of time refreshing my soul, searching out God, relaxing(a very helpful tool), and trying  to reacquaint myself with what my purpose/mission is and where my passions are.

I am just going to be pretty open and honest here(sorry if the thoughts don't all flow....they are just that.....my thoughts)....I had been feeling lonely, stressed, and emotionally drained.  I was in survival mode for probably longer than I should have been.  The sad part is, I didn't even recognize that fact that I was in that mode until I started climbing out of the hole I had gotten myself into!  Anyway, loneliness is one of the big ways Satan has decided to attack me and it was really getting to me.  Then I realized something, the time I was spending with God had shrunk to an embarrassing amount.  No wonder! My love tank was continuing to drain and I was the one preventing it from being filled!  I then pondered something else.....like most human beings, I need and desire love, I want that loving relationship, and I search for love, but at the exact same time, I can so easy put off and ignore the one who loves me beyond what I can even begin to comprehend!!  The one who has shown me such immense love and has proved His faithfulness over and over again!  What is wrong with me?  Why do I think I know how to deal with things better then Him?  Why is it so easy for me to surrender to Him and accept His love when things are going well....but then when things start getting hard, I start to build up the walls around my heart again and start to close my hands to the grace and love He offers.  He knows exactly what is best for me!!!....yet I would rather have control over the reins, because that means that I can give myself some safety and protection.

Because of a lot of these thoughts running through my head, I recently wrote a song trying to put them all together.  So here are some of the lyrics.....the song isn't done yet and I still want to write at least one more verse...but I will share with you what I have.

I took notice the other day
That I had begun the slide again
Back to the place of self-reliance
I start feeling like I got this, just trust me
Around my heart the walls start to rebuild
And the distance keeps growing between You and me

So show me my brokenness
Tear down my walls again
Cause, oh Lord, I'm nothing without You
Cause You give the beat of my heart
The night sky is lit up with Your stars
And, oh Lord, how I need to know You more!

I need to be reminded so often of who He is and who I am.  One of my favorite ways God can speak this to me is through the night sky.  It is INCREDIBLE!!  When you look up, you start to realize just how little we are and how BIG God is!  We are just a speck in part of the Milky Way galaxy......a speck in just ONE galaxy!!!!!  Yet He loves us so incredibly much!  It really puts a perspective on things for me. God is in charge....and I need to let Him have FULL control over my life and let Him write my story.

Now for some pictures:)

Gatlinburg, TN

Rachelle, Leah, & I

Audrey, Hannah, Danielle, Leah, Rachelle, & I

Amazing view!

 the blue girls:)

 the whole group that went to the smokies

Ziplining!!!!

Picture right before jumping the waterfall!:)

After the jump:)

Love, Love, Love story book skies:)

Some of the fun things I have made:)

Key Lime Pie

Watermelon cake....I carved a watermelon, then put whipped cream over it and topped with fruit!

We got several boxes of blackberries from a food bank run, so I made lemon cupcakes with blackberry buttercream:)

At Bluffton Street Fair with Alyssa & Danielle

My Lighthouse

I recently read this Psalm as part of my daily Bible reading on my phone....

(1) You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water. (2) I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. (3) Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. (4) I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. (5) I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. (6) On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. (7) Because you are my help,I sing in the shadow of your wings. (8) I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.

That was Psalm 63:1-8.  The bold parts are some of my favorite parts, but the entire passage really strikes me.  It evokes so much longing, deep passion, gratitude, and love. I am so thankful to be able to be God's daughter, something that I don't deserve in anyway, nor will I ever be able to earn that place. Yet He loves me!  I love the image of being under His wing; to be shielded and protected.

I also want to share the lyrics to a song.  Many of you probably already know it, but it has been kind of a theme song for the summer..... (It is by Rend Collective...yes they are awesome!!)

My Lighthouse
In my wrestling and in my doubts
In my failures You won't walk out
Your great love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea

In the silence, You won't let go
In my questions, Your truth will hold
Your great love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea

My Lighthouse, my lighthouse
Shining in the darkness, I will follow You
My Lighthouse, my Lighthouse
I will trust the promise,
You will carry me safe to shore

I won't fear what tomorrow brings
with each morning I'll rise and sing
My God's love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea

Fire before us, You're the brightest
You will lead us through the storms

As far as my summer, it has been pretty crazy!  I went camping in Red Wing, MN with some family and friends!  It is absolutely beautiful up there!! God is so majestic!!  My sister came out to visit me for a long weekend, and we took a couple friends up to Cedar Point for a day.  I went to Mediapolis/Oakville over the 4th of July....first time back since Stephanie's wedding!  My mom and sister also were down most of this past week.  The Gateway Woods auction was this past Saturday.  HUGE thanks to all who came out to support!  And to all who show support through the year whether it is with money, time, or prayer. Each is important!!!  This was actually my first Gateway Woods auction!!  I really enjoyed it!!  Sunday and Monday were relax days for me...:)  Monday I went up to Lake James with Taylor Gerber.  I read a book and laid out most of the day, went tubing, went on a VERY entertaining pontoon ride, and ate food:)(obviously).  A great way to destress and revamp.:)

Kelsy, Korinn, Abby, and I eating peaches n' ice cream:)

My awesome cousin!!!!

One of the many random pics…….it was late…….

Introduced another Indiana girl to Taco Johns!!!!! Amazing stuff right there…..

On the top of Barn Bluff in Red Wing, MN

Mom and me:)

Our awesome and amazing parents!!!!…..and kinda weird….but vat can you expect? (said in a norwegian accent)

The world's largest boot!! If I recall correctly…it is size 637 1/2!!!

On a morning hike before we left MN

All the girls (none of the guys were able to make it this year…!)

The whole crew…minus Emily…the photographer

 Starting our camping excursion!!!:)