Bordering on Insanity

For those of you waiting on the edge of your seat to hear when I reach Canada,....I finally made it. Well, actually, I made it a month ago.  Butters and I reached the border on the 17th of September. Since getting off trail, there has been several times where I have sat down with the intent of writing my final trail post. However, each time I lacked the words and motivation. It's one thing to write about an experience and the relationships you have while you are still very much in it. It's a whole other thing to try to relate an intense experience when you are so soon removed from it. In addition, my "persons" are now miles/oceans away leaving behind this feeling of emptiness. Relationships formed on trail are nearly impossible to explain and unless you have gone through a similar experience, there is nothing I can say that will adequately express what it's like. Which in turn makes post-trail life feel really lonely.

I will likely write a post-trail post later, but I wanted to briefly explain why I haven't written about the rest of Washington. It's not because I was lazy......well maybe that had something to do with it too...😏

If I recall correctly, I left you guys near Snoqualmie Pass, about 250 miles from the Canadian border. These last few miles where absolutely gorgeous!! Best views since leaving the Sierra's! (In my opinion.) They were also quite rainy. I caught myself a few times repeating my AT mantra: "One dry mile, is one less wet mile." It was to remind myself not to jump on a negative spiral. It's already miserable enough to hike and camp in the cold rain, that I didn't need my psyche to follow in misery. However, it would be a lie to say I always remained on the up and up. Butters could attest to and quickly shatter that view...😬

The hike out of Snoqualmie was stunning! Better yet, the rain was able to hold itself off for most of the day. Around 6pm we had stopped for a break. We were trying to decide whether or not to keep hiking or set up camp. Our choice was to either set up camp within the next mile, or have to hike five more miles to the top of the climb.  I really wanted to get to the top of the climb and camp by the lake. Butters graciously (well with the normal amount of complaining...😂) obliged me and we set off. As we started up the mountain, a thunderstorm started to roll in. Really, it wasn't like we were totally caught off guard, as it had been looming over us pretty much all day. However, I was really hoping the rain would hold off until we were warm and dry in our tents.  What I didn't really consider was the lightening....oops. As I was continuing to climb higher, the thunder and lightening started. And I began to rethink my decision.  Was it really the smartest to be going up and camping at the highest point during a thunderstorm? However, it wasn't an option any more (unless I really wanted to turn back, hike a couple miles down...only to have to re-hike those uphill miles again in the morning.) Turns out, I'm lazy and don't want to do any more than necessary....even when it goes against what some people would consider "better judgement" or "wise."  Psht...I mean really...you gotta live life with some excitement now and then! "Will I die by lightening strike tonight?! Guess we will find out in the morning."  The rain started when we were only a couple miles away and we started haling up the mountain.  We reached the lake at dark. There were several other tents there and not many spots left. We found some space on a (completely exposed) hill above the lake and set up camp. Thankfully the rain was able to hold off it's worst until after we had set up. That night we went to bed having told each other "if I die, tell my family I love them." You know, the typical good-night sentiments. At some point during the night I woke up to my feet and legs being wet. As I turned on my headlamp to assess the problem, I found a small stream running under my tarp. Luckily, a portion of my tarp was remaining dry. I curled up into a small ball, trying to make sure I got my (now wet) sleeping bag out of the stream's path, so that it would not get any more wet and so my body heat could start drying it out.  I was comforted by the fact that Butters was having to deal with the same thing.  I mean, I was pretty sure...because the stream coming under my tarp was also going directly to his tent...😬😏 And you know what they say....misery loves company! lol  All in all, it was a good night. We all woke up in the morning still very much alive! :)

The next day was mostly overcast and rained off and on. However, we still got some amazing views. And as I walked around the side of one of the mountains, a rainbow come into view. It was so cool!!

So, remember early on when I said that I am not always able to stay mentally strong? Yeah, this was one of those days. The thing was, that it wasn't like it was worse than any other day! It was cold and rainy, yes, and there were a couple of big climbs, but seriously, I've gone through much worse with a lot more mental stamina. However, we all have days that for whatever reason are just bad. Long distance hiking simply exponentially multiples the problem. I'm serious, something that seems so small and dumb to many of you, can send us into an emotional breakdown. Typically we are lacking calories, physically worn down, and tired. Those "small" things are often what have been motivating us for MILES. For example the day we hiked 33 miles to reach a camp that offered free meals to hikers, only to arrive and find out that they were closed for a few days. 

So anyway, there I was hiking along and feeling miserable. We came to a trail junction that would have allowed us to cut off nearly 7 miles of trail which would have allowed us to get into town a lot sooner. For those of you who don't know my hiking style, I am not one who skips miles just because. I would beat myself up for it endlessly if I did. However at that moment, I was so ready to take the shortcut and Butters shot it down. "Your really going to skip after all this time? etc..." His sentiments to me were to "suck it up." Rude....like I ever said that to him....😒 So I begrudgingly hiked on. I was nearly in tears at this point (for a reason unknown to me) and therefore annoyed with myself.  Later on as the tears actually started coming, I hiked off from Butters and stormed up a mountain. I just wanted to be out of the rain and cold. I wanted to be in town, which somehow was both close and yet so far away. At this point everything was simply overwhelming.  Looking back on it now, its humorous. However, I can definitely still empathize with my past self knowing what it's like. 

It took until mid afternoon for us to hike to the road, hitch a ride into town. It wasn't until I had downed some McDonalds that I started to feel my normal self return.

Cold, rainy, and overcast. One, all, or a mixture of those three words can easy describe the rest of the days we spent on trail. Still we had so many beautiful views!! I seriously can't express that enough! I 100% will go back to Washington and do more hiking, especially in the Northern Cascades. Phenomenal. 

The day we got mild hypothermia....literally.  We were miserable to say the least.  We crossed a road partway through the day that would have taken us to a town. Butters mentioned once about just going in and getting a hotel for the night. I didn't say much of anything. It was what I wanted more than anything, but I also wanted to keep pushing on to get to Canada. And I knew that it would take very little convincing to get me to go into town.  So we silently walked across the road and back onto the trail. A few miles later we ate in silence while huddled under a couple trees that provided a little protection from the rain. Unfortunately nothing could protect us from the mind numbing cold. Honestly if someone would have offered a warm place to stay and a free flight home, I think we both would have bailed out on trail. Even though we were literally only 50 miles from the border. That's how miserable we were...

Second to last day!!!

Our finally day on trail was a miserably good way to end. Not often to you place those two words together, but they actually go well together at times!  It was miserable because it was freezing and snowing. The snow then turned to sleet and rain later on. In order to keep from getting hypothermia we decided to hike the 17 miles to the monument without taking any breaks. I packed my poles away, so that I could hike with my hands shoved into my pockets. The good part, was that it made it easier to accept the fact that the trail was now finished because it was so miserable. :)

Reaching the border was just weird.  Having spent months walking to reach that point it didn't seem real that the monument was now standing right in front of me. It didn't seem real that I had actually walked to Canada. It wasn't like the day seemed special, rather it felt like just another day on trail. Everything was standard for "another day on trail," and it seemed as though tomorrow was going to be the same. Yet, I knew that it wasn't going to be the same after that moment. I was definitely ready to have a day or two off though, since we had not taken a single zero day since the beginning of Oregon. 

Congrats to Butters who finished with me and also somehow managed to hike 2200 miles with me without murdering me or going insane. :)

I will wrap up my thoughts on my journey and after trail in another post. For now I will just say that this hike was an incredible experience and to try to explain it to others is nearly impossible. I am beyond grateful for the amazing people I met along the way. Whether they were trail angels, townies, section hikers, day hikers, thru-hikers I briefly hiked with, or those I hiked with for great distances. 

To Butters and Wild Turkey, who I hiked with most of the trail: You two are amazing and I learned so much from you. You also kept me sane and laughing. So thanks a million to you for being great friends and hiking partners! I miss you and can't wait to see you again!!!