Exciting Adventures

FYI:  Since this could be an extremely long post....I will try to keep my words to a minimum and let the pictures speak for themselves.:)

"Nothing in this life will ever matter unless it is about loving God and loving the people He has made."

This has recently become one of my favorite quotes!! Actually, my mom & I just painted this saying on the wall in my bathroom at work.  It is a really good reminder for me why I do what I do.  This work can be really stressful and overwhelming and times.  So when I lose sight of my why, it becomes really easy to want to simply through in the towel and give up.  However, I do what I do because I love God and I want to love the people He has created in His own image! As hard as it is to be used up, I want to slide across the finish line at the end of up life completely used up.  To know that I gave my all to God and loved others in a very real way.

WEDDING

June 4th weekend was Kevin & Nikki's wedding.  It was a beautiful wedding!!  I am so excited to have Nikki as a sister!  She was a stunning and beautiful bride!  I love how she brings out the best in Kevin!!  I am so happy for both of them!  It was also great to be able to see so many friends & family again!!  Here are some of the pictures, courtesy of Timeless Moments.  They did a excellent job!

ETHIOPIA

A week after Kevin's wedding, I climbed aboard a flight for Ethiopia.  As many of you might remember, I went there last year in July.  I went with part of the same group this year and then some more.:)  Chris & Erica Manz headed up the team again and they brought their 2nd daughter, Malia, and their youngest, Quintin.  The rest of the team consisted of Larisa Maibach and her son Yikealo, Jill Wordekemper and her son Carson, Rachel Manz, Phillip Huette, and Richard Manz.  We arrived in Addis Sunday morning and spent the day organizing donations, went out for coffee, and sleeping.  Then Monday we flew to Mekele, which is in the northern part of Ethiopia.  There we spent all week helping build the second floor on the Metekle school.  Originally the plan was that we would be painting, however there were some delays and so they were building the concrete walls still.  So we spent all week doing a lot more manual labor.  The biggest task was carrying these concrete cinder blocks up this eucalyptus tree ramp.  Needless to say it was a workout! Not only are you climbing up a steep tree ramp, but it is also really high elevation....so you are out of breath to begin with!:)  I was quite proud of myself on Wednesday, because I carried 200 blocks up the ramp!! (180 before noon!!)

Friday we drove out to Samre which is way out in the country.  We did a Child Sponsorship distribution and update day.  I think this was one of my favorites from the trip, because the drive out there was so beautiful!!! It was very mountainous and grand canyon like in places!!  The huts were all made out of stone.  Saturday we flew back to Addis.  Then Sunday we toured a museum and old palace of one of the emperors....which is nothing like you would like of a palace.  Then did some gift shopping.  We also went to eat at Lucy's (which is were we ate all the time last year) so that I could get one of my favorite dishes!  Which was just like I remembered. :)

The worst part of the trip was that Philip got really sick Sunday afternoon before we were suppose to fly out.  They ended up taking him to the hospital and for awhile were hoping that he would still be able to get on our flight.  However, he wasn't anywhere near healthy enough to travel because he wasn't able to keep anything down.  So Richard & him ended up staying another day in Ethiopia.  The rest of our group got on our flight and took off.  Then our original 17 hour flight turned into 24 hours.....yah....on the same plane.....never getting off!!!! Talk about long!  We took off from Addis at 10 pm Sunday night, then had to circle back to Addis because the water heater wasn't working...therefore the water pipes were freezing up.  So we landed back in Addis a little after 1 am and sat on the plan until 5 pm when we were finally able to take off again.  Then our refuel in Dublin ended up taking almost two hours rather than the scheduled one.  Needless to say the entire plane missed their connecting flights which led to complete chaos when we landed in America...along with some very unhappy people.  They were able to get us home that same day though by rerouting us through Chicago to Indy.

The view from my room at Ordinary Hero Guesthouse in Addis Ababa

Carson and Yikealo enjoyed the luxury seating in the airport...

Scaffolding in the school....all eucalyptus trees

Building the walls!

The famous ramp...

The contractor wanted a picture with his youngest workers. :)

Some of the delicious food!!!!

Ethiopian coffee is the absolute best!!!!

Another favorite, was that I got to experience a traditional coffee ceremony!!!  Here the ladies are roasting the coffee beans and making popcorn.

One day after work we did some sightseeing in Mekelle

Yikealo showed me the face that nobody can deny....I have to admit, it is pretty good. :)

Yikealo got some traditional clothes from some of his family there!!

Drive out to Samre

When God Doesn't Live Up to Your Expectations

Will you follow a God you do not understand?
Will you follow a God who does not live up to your expectations?

Recently both of my roommates have talked about these questions.  What we should be asking rather than all the "whys."  There is something about these two questions that grate against everything in me though.  Seriously, how do you follow someone you don't understand or who fails your expectations?  My body screams "RUN AWAY!"  It isn't safe. Why would you place yourself in such a vulnerable position? Although some of you may disagree with this next statement; I tend to be a very logical thinker.  (Yes, I know some of you just laughed out loud...and I don't necessarily think logically in regards to adventure & the such.)  These questions totally slap logic in the face, because logic would tell you to follow someone you understand and trust, who won't fail you.  (I realize everyone fails everyone at some point, because we are all humans born into sin; still logic tells me not to ever place myself in that position.)

Now that I have stated why I cringe at these questions, I will say this.  All of us at some level, at some point in our life are going to have to wrestle with these to questions and come to terms with what they mean.  I am not saying that it is easy, nor that I have completely come to terms with them.  Yet we wrestle because our view of life and God's view of life are so completely different!! Our expectations are bound to be broken throughout the years, because life is life.  Anyway, I don't know how you come to terms with the questions....I am hoping you will figure it out and then come tell me! :)

End of April, I went on a backpacking trip down in southern Indiana on the Adventure Hiking Trail.  I went with Sarena, Lindsey, and Amanda.  We set out Sunday afternoon and then finished Tuesday morning.  We didn't, unfortunately, finish the entire trail due to some details we didn't think through enough/failed to think about. Needless to say, I now have more stories though....!!! :)  The best stories  often come from things unplanned.  This particular trip, we ran out of water by Monday noon and the map wasn't super accurate, so we were struggling to find water.  Places that looked like they were right next to the water were not.  We finally arrived at one of the overnight shelters and Lindsey set out to look for water.  She came back with both good and bad news.  The good news was that she had found water and a really beautiful place to camp for the evening, the bad news was that the site was overlooking the river....yep, it was a cliff down to the water.  Once we got to the site, we emptied Amanda's backpack and put all the empty water bottles in it (this will come into play later as an poor decision).  Then Lindsey and I hiked/climbed down the cliff.  There were definitely some scary moments.....;)  At one point I slipped on a pretty slanted area and got completely snagged by a broken branch.  It went completely through my clothing and I had to try and scoot back up the slope in an awkward position just to unhook myself!!! When we got to the bottom, we filtered water from the Ohio River into all the water bottles and loaded them back up.  Here is the poor decision part....we should have brought two backpacks down.  One backpack with gallons of water loaded in it, is difficult to carry when climbing back up a very steep hill/cliff!   Overall I really loved the trip and would do it again in a heart beat!! My calves pretty much hated me for a few days...but they got over it. :)

I also went to Florida a week ago with Rachelle Grube, Leah Kaeb, and Maria Ramirez.  It was a well needed and loved trip!  We stayed in St. Augustine at a nice resort type of place.  We went zip lining, paddle boarding, rock climbing, took old time pictures, played tennis, went to the beach, volleyball, etc.  It was very relaxing!!

In the next week I will be heading up to Minnesota for my brother's wedding!! I am super excited!!  Then right after that, I am planning on heading to Ethiopia for 10 days.  Where we will be working on a school that Chris & Erica Manz have been working on raising money for Metekle school.  I would greatly appreciate your prayers!  I am really excited to be able to go back after last year and experience another part of the country!  Also, while I am talking about the school, we recently found out that the initial amount they raised ($108,000) isn't enough and they need to get to $120,000.  I don't want to make anyone feel obligated to donate or annoyed that I asked.  However, if you feel moved to donate, this is an amazing opportunity to help give the kids a better education.  The school is packed and the current classrooms are not able to accommodate all the children.  The school administration is also hoping to expand the schooling, which is currently 1-4 grade, through 8th grade.

One last thing before pictures....  Gateway Woods is starting up the volunteer program for the summer!  If any of you have a week, a few days, or more available; come on out!! It is an amazing opportunity to be a part of the work out here!!  If you are interested please get in contact with the Volunteer Coordinator (if you go to Gateway's website, the information will be there) or just let me know and I will get you in contact with the right person!!  I also love to see people I know!!! :)

My sister & cousin came out to see me in April!!!  I loved it!

Kristi & I after a race. My first 5k of the year!

Making sure we could set up the tent before the trip;)

Lindsey & I

Our overlook of the Ohio river

Bridge of Lions: Maria & I

Little Talbot Island State Park

Tennis!!!

Paddle Bording

 Rock climbing

Embracing Grief

This past week I attended a death seminar.  As you can imagine, it wasn't very lively.  Actually, I just wanted to say that. :) It was really interesting and I could definitely relate with it.  The topic was Exploring the Paradoxes of Mourning: Enhancing Your Understanding of Three Forgotten Truths. The speaker was Alan Wolfelt from Colorado.  Here is a brief overview of what he talked about and my thoughts.

1. You must say hello before you can say goodbye. Just as we say hello to love, we must say hello to loss & grief (for you cannot have one without the other).  We need to acknowledge and welcome it when it comes.  Wolfelt talked about saying hello to the physical reality of death (such as seeing your loved one in an open casket), the reality of death after the funeral (allowing yourself to both grief on the inside and mourn on the outside), and to the new self you are becoming (because whenever you lose someone it is like losing a mirror, and you have to figure out who you are without that mirror).  There will also be goodbyes and they will overlap with the hellos, however more hellos are needed towards the beginning and goodbyes toward the end.

2. You must make friends with the darkness before you can enter the light.  Having "dark emotions:" sadness, emptiness, loss, depression, despair, shame, and fear.  We shouldn't shove them away, but rather acknowledge and feel them.  It is uncomfortable, hurtful, and scary.  Befriend your pain, which is hard, but that is how we learn from it and are transformed by it.  "When we are sad, we instinctively turn inward. We withdraw. We slow down. It's as if our soul presses the pause button and says, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Time out. I need to acknowledge what's happened here and really consider what I want to do next.""

3. You must go backward before you can go forward.  Going backward through ritual, memory, to your beginnings, to tell your story, to name your gratitude, to begin anew; so then you can move forward in grief.  Death ends a life, not a relationship.  It ends the physical relationship, but on an emotional and spiritual level your relationship with that person continues, because you will always have a relationship of memory.

Here is the deal; in our culture we tend to think we just need to "get over it, find closure, more on, put the past in the past."  The problem is that isn't how it works.  Grief is not something that you get over, it never goes away (yes, it will lessen over time...but it doesn't go away).  Just as you don't simply "get over" loving someone.  We expect to say all our goodbyes too soon, darkness is ok....for the first few weeks anyway...than you should probably go a doctor and get meds if your still depressed, and we are all about putting the past in the past.  Just let be what is and move on.  I think we do/think/say these things because grief makes us uncomfortable.  We don't know what to say to someone who just lost a loved one, we suddenly forget how to act around them.  We walk on egg shells not wanting to bring up anything that will remind them of their loved one or set them off into a crying fit.  However, that is exactly what they need.  They need to talk about that person.  Just because they have died, doesn't mean they no longer exist.  Allow them to grief and take their time, it isn't a 5 step process and then your done.  Listen to them; show empathy and support....don't be a cheerleader....it isn't a race.

A friend of mine who lost her dad six months before I lost mine; talked about how she never thought she would have to work through or let go of things people said during the visitation/funeral.  Sadly, it is true.  People say cliches and platitudes that are of no help and hurtful at times.  At this time I would like to introduce to you a segment Wolfelt talked a lot about. These are things people often say that they probably haven't thought through. It's called.....

True, but NOT HELPFUL:
~You had him for 50 years...
~Atleast he went quickly
~God doesn't give you anything you can't handle
~Your still young, you can remarry
~You still have your mom
~Heaven has another angel
~You will see him in Heaven someday

You get the picture. :) I am not trying to throw people under the bus and I have been guilty of saying things like that. After going through this past year, however, it has changed my perspective. The seminar gave me a lot to ponder....so I thought I would pass a few of my pondering on and let you all ponder them too.  :)  I mean....what is better than one pondering person?  (Two)  :D

Tidbits:
~Life must be lived forward, but it can only be understood backwards.
~Grief is one step forward, two steps in a circle, and one step backward.
~We must listen to the music of the past to sing in the present and dance into the future
~The only way to the other side, is through.

Here is a picture to lighten the mode a little....my roommate sent me it.  I seriously die laughing every time I look at it....or randomly think of it.  It is one of those helpful pics to get through hard days.  Since my dad and I seemed to have pretty similar humor styles, I can't help but think he would find this as funny as I do.:)

Trusting God When Its Hard

I had a really great opportunity to go to a Biblical Counseling Training Conference in Lafayette, IN this month.  It was a week long conference, 8am-7pm, packed full of information.  Wondering how I survived the 7:30 mornings? Coffee and I mean the good stuff.  I brought a coffee maker with me (yes, seriously) and my Ethiopian coffee.  Which is zinging with caffeine and has a wonderful flavor to the pallet. :)  This is the stuff that has you shaking your leg, talking ober fast, and won't let you blink!

Here are some tidbits that spoke to me on a personal level.  God will meet you where you are, but He has no intention of leaving you there!  This is not only a comfort to know, but also a call to rise up!  Trusting God's character in the midst of suffering.  Trusting that He is who He says He is, that He loves me, that He has a purpose in it, and trust in the sovereignty of God.  God's purpose for suffering: that the focus would be on God's glory and the preeminence of Christ, an opportunity for personal growth and to rejoice that this world is not our home, used to encourage spiritual growth in others, repent of personal sin, an opportunity to TRUST God when it's HARD, and demonstrate FAITHFULNESS when tempted to REBEL.  It is in the times that we are so ready to give up or run away, that the choice the stay displays the greatest about of faith and trust!  I will share one last thought before I move on (because there is so much I could share, but not in one post...).

Respect begins in the heart - having a godly attitude toward the person, godly communication with them, ask questions instead of making accusations, practice humility, show grace in words and tone of voice, use words and tone of voice that edify- build them up when they faith and commend when they succeed, express gratitude, avoid gossip or being critical of them in public or private to others who aren't part of the problem or solution, believe the best of them, deal with your problems first before trying to help them please God, and pray for them daily.  Every time I read this, I am struck again by how much strife/anger/stress/etc we can spare ourselves if we followed this when dealing with others.  Especially those closest to us!

Something else that happened this month; is that I managed to live a normal life for three weeks without a phone!!!!  Simply shocking...I know!  It is kind of ridiculous how attached we get to our phones and how much we rely on them.  Can you imagine having to look up directions and write them down before you travel knowing that if you don't follow them correctly...well you might just have to STOP and ASK for directions!?!  Picture a life where you actually have to find the person in order to communicate with them (or send them an email when you are near a computer)! Crazy!! Yep, it is crazy...also quite feasible and enjoyable!  Before I broke my phone, I would purposely "forget" it, so that I wouldn't be bothered by others or tempted to spend a ridiculous amount of time surfing Facebook so that I appeared busy.  To just go off grid for awhile.  When I broke it, it opened up so many more of those opportunities!  To be fully immersed in the moment.  Not thinking about capturing a picture or texting my friends.  When I was with someone, I was with them 100%, not distracted by texts, phone calls, and social media.  I think one of the biggest loses we take with our phones, is our ability to communicate with the people we come in contact with everyday.  So rather than being on your phone in the check-out line, have more than a "Hi, how are you" conversation with your cashier.  Rather than be plugged into your music; talk with the nurse as you are donating blood or the guy sitting next to you on the plane.

As I looked around I noticed how much people are oblivious to everything going on around them.  So here we sit; a world of lonely people looking for relationships in the wrong places.  We go to Facebook, music, video games, movies, etc. None of these are inherently wrong, but none of them will ever fill you the way a real relationship with another human being will.  Most importantly, none of them will ever fill the emptiness and loneliness in you that was created for God to fill.

You ever have those moments when you have feel like you have "made it?"  Even if it only lasts for a brief moment.  WinterJam was in Fort Wayne recently (it is a concert of several different Christian artists).  I had a friend who actually knew one of the speakers on tour.  The speaker was Stephanie Fast (if you don't know who she is...seriously, check her out!) and they gave us free backstage passes!! So we got to hang out with Stephanie and her husband!! They showed us their tour bus, we hung out in Stephanie's dressing room...and while in there met & talked with Lauren Daigle.  You know...no big deal or anything.  We got to watch several of the artists from the side of the stage and got to meet some of them afterwards!  Dave from Sidewalk Prophets, Trip Lee, KB, Red, etc. I will not deny, I felt pretty cool/important.  My moment of "having made it," was the fact that we had an inside connection to get backstage.  However, I was also struck with how we are all just normal people.  Really, why is it so cool to meet famous people?  Is it just because their name is known by so many more people?  Most of the time you meet them, they will not remember you.  How could they? I mean if you met hundreds of people every night...you wouldn't remember them all.  Do we hope that we might be the one person that they remember and become friends with?  I don't know...it is just interesting to think about.

with Trip Lee

Another story before I end.  I was donating plasma Friday.  I had decided to donate from my left arm (which to preface the story, I don't use my left arm a lot, because although I have a good vein to donate from, it tends to roll). So I get all settled into my chair.  The nurse said they needed to take a sample (they do that every few months) before donating, no problem (I thought).  She sticks me and try to get a sample, but the blood isn't coming out fast enough.  She adjusted the line and tried again with another sample tube. Still without luck, she asked another nurse to take over.  So the second nurse adjusted the line and tried yet a third sample tube.  It still wasn't working, so she said we would have to do a crossover (switch to my right arm).  No problem (I thought yet again). By this time a third nurse was involved.  Nurse #3 put the line in my right arm and got the sample pretty quickly.  She then hooked me up to the machine to donate.  However, the machine kept getting air bubbles in my blood, then the saline wasn't pumping back into my vein right.  I was actually not sure exactly what was going on, but the nurse came and tried adjusted the needle again.  However, she accidentally poked it through the other side of the vein (or something).  All I know is I was all of a sudden pressing my lips together in pain.  My first thought was it was just from adjusting it, but I looked down at the needle and my skin was very puffed up!  I was like (in my mind) "what happened?! I know I said my left arm didn't hurt...but you didn't have to make my right one actually hurt!" Anyway, I obviously couldn't donate anymore that day. She said I had a hematoma....which is just a cool, fancy word for a big bruise; gave me ice and instructions to care for it, and sent me home. I say all that to say this....I now have a super cool/ugly looking bruise on my arm. :) And yes, here is a picture of it...

I will leave you with on last verse and thought:

"The words of the Lord are pure words, like silver refined in a furnace on the ground, purified seven times." Psalm 12:6

God's word has been tested over and over again, and has proven true!  Just as that silver was refined many times.  The silver didn't disintegrate the more it was put to the fire, it didn't became burnt and ugly; not only did it make the silver more pure, but also more beautiful!

Fighting a Battle in the War

Today, we are actually sitting on the first year anniversary of my dad's death. (Well according to the state it is today, since they found him on the 30th. The 29th is the day we go by though.)  There are so many emotions that I can't even fully understand much less explain.  The past year has been one of the toughest I have had, well other than some of my teenage years....:) It has been a year with a lot of wrestling and battling with the questions of why and why not.  I recognize and know that God has told us that there are many things that we will simply not understand while on earth.  However, I think we can all agree that is a lot easier said than done.  All that to say it has been quite the tumultuous year.

The Psalm below was underlined in the Bible that my dad had when he passed away.  I have read it numerous times over the past year and it has become one of my favorites.  I love the stories and music that aren't afraid to tell the truth of how they are feeling.  David is crying out to God in so much pain and yet he clings to this sliver of hope that is strung throughout the Psalm.  I can not only see and feel David's pain and my own; but also the pain and regret my dad had for the choices he made and the demons he faced.  It is my heart cry so many times when I become so lost in my own pain, confusion, and anger.

Psalm 6

1. O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger,

nor discipline me in your wrath.

2. Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;

heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.

3. My soul also is greatly troubled.

But you, O Lord -- how long?

4. Turn, O Lord, deliver my life;

save me for the sake of your steadfast love.

5. For in death there is no remembrance of you;

in Sheol who will give you praise?

6. I am weary with my moaning;

every night I flood my bed with tears;

I drench my couch with my weeping.

7. My eye wastes away because of grief;

it grows weak because of all my foes.

8. Depart from me, all you workers of evil,

for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.

9. The Lord has heard my plea;

the Lord accepts my prayer.

10.  All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled;

they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.

Sometimes we have to fight for what we know to be true, even when our heart isn't in agreement.  The battle between your mind and your heart can be an extremely violent one too.

Now onto other news...:) Since I last posted, I went to New York City with the YoPros (Young Professionals) group.  We not only did touristy things (which was a ton of fun), but our bigger purpose was to distribute food from Midwest Food Bank to the Love Kitchen and Teen Challenge.  We were able to listen to testimonies at both places, which were really incredible!  Also, one morning we went to the streets of the Bronx, stood on the corners, and asked if we could pray with people and share the Gospel.  This was a totally new experience for me and shoved me far outside any borders of my comfort zone!! Not gonna lie...I wanted to run away when we first got there...just kinda blend into the crowd and disappear.:)  Not that I don't want to tell other people about Christ, because I do!! No, I think it had more to do with the fact that I knew if it was me walking by and noticed people asking to pray for others (sadly, even as a Christian)..I would have walked on the other side of the street.  It just makes me uncomfortable.  No matter, I think it is really important to learn how to do ministry in all different kinds of ways.  Even though it might not be your "style."  It is good to experience the different ways and learn from each.  Different "styles" need to be used to reach different people!  And guess what?? I would totally do it again!!!

Top NYC Highlights

Brooklyn Tabernacle Church

Love Kitchen - handing out food & testimonies

Singing in a subway car

Ground Zero

Running in Central Park

Ate an Elk burger

Talking to a man from Burkina Faso in very...very broken French:)

In November I went to Illinois for the Knobloch Christmas and then I made then trek up to MinnesOta for Thanksgiving and the Schmidgall Christmas.   I then repeated my trip to MN again in December to celebrate Christmas on the actual holiday with my family. :)  I surprised my mom by coming several days earlier than I had told her.  I actually spent an entire week and a half there!!  It was so nice to be able to see people in smaller groups over a period of time, rather then everyone at once.  It allowed me to be able to build and catch up on all the relationships!  I loved being able to relax, hang out with my family, do puzzles, and eat (of course).  While I was home, my sister was baptized.  It was super amazing to hear her testimony and watch her make a covenant with God.  I have watched her grow so much...even from so far away.  She is one amazing girl!:)

During my time in MN, my cousin asked me to go snowboarding, since he had two free lift tickets...so what do you think I said...?  We rocked it out on the slopes....and then rocked in pain the rest of the day and a couple days after.:)  Yep...one too many jumps.  I actually gave my hip a pretty good beating up and to this day it is still a little sore at times. :}  No matter, we were champs and even that evening when we could hardly move, we both...or at least I stated, that I would do it again in a heartbeat. :)

Interesting Tidbits:

• I cooked a cow tongue for the first time! Delicious!!! Tastes like a very tender roast!! A couple of my residents actually tried it too!!!
• It has now been over 3 years since I had originally moved to Haiti!! Where does time go???
• For this years church Christmas program, I had the privilege of playing the piano! Loved it:)
• I am pretty much famous now......while in NYC a small group of us were asked to be in a music video!  Here is the link if you want to check us out!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8_Ex19QMv4  We are debuted around second 34 and again at 4:40.  My signature as pretty much doubled in worth.
• Halloween supper at Hickory House: Rats, Bones dipped in blood, Ghosts, and Pumpkin

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  Globe outside of Central Park
  
  
  
  Partial skyline from a hill in CP
  
  
  
  My scrumptious Elk Burger
  
  
  
  On the streets in the Bronx
  
  
  
  Ferry ride past the Statue of Liberty
  
  
  
  MN license plate:)
  
  
  
  Chillin' in CP
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Ice Skating with the cousins....it was the clearest picture of Abby and I
  Sorry mom....love you!!:)
  
  
  
  Sami, me, Abby
  
  
  
  How I rocked the ice fishing over Christmas....
  
  
  
  
  
  Until next time....

Do You Trust Me?

"Do you trust me?" God asked. To which I responded "yes, I trust You."  Again the question..."Do you trust me?" Once again my answer was the same.  After several repeats of the same question and answer; He asked me yet again..."Do you trust me?" I responded "I am trying to." The question came again and my answer this time was "Okay, not really... teach me to trust you and walk alongside me. Help me to become vulnerable to you."  Not that I don't trust Him with anything. However the truth is it is easy to trust God with the lighted rooms of our heart, but what about those rooms that are in the back, that are dark, and have been locked for quite possibly years.  Do you trust God enough to welcome Him into those rooms (your deepest hurts, fears, greatest hopes, dreams) and be with you there?  I understand God knows everything about me, whether I trust Him or not; however, God wants us to let Him in.  He isn't one to come barging in forcefully. No, rather, He stands outside those closed doors and continually knocks. Waiting patiently for us to answer the door and welcome Him inside.  It is definitely not an easy call to answer, it takes a lot of courage.  It is way easier to stick with what I know, to stay in control of my  disastrous room, and keep it to myself rather than trust someone else to see it.

This right here is one of my largest and toughest struggle.  A lesson life taught me growing up was if you don't want to be crushed by pain, protect yourself.  I decided early on I would do the latter since I knew what the first felt like.  Promises and commitments made as a child can become concrete and extremely hard to break as the child grows into adulthood. I told myself I would never allow someone to hurt me in the same way again, then set to work at figuring out how to do it.  I have to give myself some credit, I have learned how to do it very well!  Unfortunately, God doesn't want just the part of my heart I am willing to give away. Which answers the question why God has been continually asking me if I trust Him.  While He is working on me (blunt truth.....will take a long time), I would like to challenge you to look at your hearts and see if you have truly given Him your heart as a whole.

Since my Ethiopia trip, I went home (to MN) for a week.  Jeff flew home from Arizona and our entire family spent some time together at a cabin on lake Minnewaska!!  I brought home my friend/roommate Kristi Baran, which was a lot fun!  The week as a whole was rather cold/rainy/windy; however we were able to have one very nice day which we used to it's full extent with skiing, tubing, and wake boarding.  I was actually able to spend a decent amount of quality time with family and friends! We also got to see the northern lights (although very faint) while there!!

I also went camping a couple different times up in Michigan with Sarena Wahl (my other roommate)!  It was great and absolutely beautiful! I really love nature and camping....it also brings back so many wonderful memories from growing up!:)

Otherwise I have pretty much just been working, running, eating, and sleeping.  Yup, a thrilling life it is!:) Oh, I did just run my first 10K (6.21 miles) last weekend!! I ran my best and bet my goal time with a 9:40 minute mile! I am actually running a 5 mile race tomorrow too in order to raise money for Riley's hospital.  I have a goal of continuing to train throughout the winter and run a half marathon in the spring. Then just for kicks and giggles....a full marathon possible in the fall.:)

Sarena & I in Traverse City, MI

Our awesome tent:)

Yep...we walked all the way to the bottom of the dune......then had to come back up.....

Clearly not taken on my way back up...

Ludington State Park, MI

Sarena enjoying the waters...

while I read a book

John, Em, and I after the 10K

 Kristi & I enjoying MN!

Slolam skiing for the first time!!!

Wake boarding

Kristi skiing for the first time!!:)